It’s been, one week since you all heard from me. And what a week it has been! Probably one of the longest weeks of my life, to be honest. After the first day of quarantine, I lost my interest in water colors. To be honest, I am not that good at it. I spent the following days holed up in my room, going between panic attacks and staring blankly at the wall. I counted the number of spiders in our kitchen. (To be fair, we are in the middle of an infestation and go through the house once a week to vacuum all the ones we can find.) I ate all the chocolate I had. Tried my best to sleep away this quarantine.

I am blessed to have such wonderful friends who are also my roommates. My roommate, Becca, who has been making sure I wake up early every day and tries to keep me to a schedule, has been my pillar through this. She is the shoulder I need to cry on, the comforting hug supplier, and the provider of comic relief. My other roommate, Alyssa, is another rock I am thankful to live with. She knew this was all coming before Becca or I did (or at least when we refused to admit it) and prepared us for what was coming. I may not be able to be around my mother or sister, my usual two rocks, but my friends turned family is becoming a much more important part of my life.

After two days of depression, and trying to recover my digestive system from the massive carb overload I put myself through, I got up one day and decided I was going to go for a walk. I realized walks are still allowed. I called my partner and he came over to enjoy the walk with me. We walked to the Rose Garden and sat down on a bench and talked for a bit. I had not realized how much I needed that fresh air, the increased heart rate, the companionship I felt so deprived of. After the Rose Garden, we walked into Whole Foods and bought some, well, whole foods for my deprived body. Feeling full of love and gratitude, it was the first time I realized I could get through this. It would not be easy, there are hard days to be had, but being able to find my footing in this new, unstable lifestyle was a feeling of independence, empowerment, and gratitude.

Struggling with depression, you are constantly listening to that negative voice in your head. You know the one; it tells you that you are weak, useless, hopeless, dependent, trapped, frozen, empty. And if you allow it to continue, you begin to believe it yourself. Going on that walk was the first step in listening to the other voice; the one that tells you you can do it, you are powerful, you are strong, you are in control. In times of turmoil, that negative voice takes over. I become paralyzed by it, wondering what the point is when I am stuck in a real life Groundhog Day situation. Why not spend the day sleeping? It will help the hours go by faster and dreamland is always so intoxicating. But when I do take that nap, I am enabling that voice. Giving it power over me. Giving into its accusations. Believing it’s message a little more each time.

Once I took that walk though, I could feel my endorphins release almost immediately. Taking in those breaths of fresh air, I was able to breathe out all those negative thoughts. I realized I do have control in my situation. It is not an ideal one: I would love to be able to go into work again (what?? who am I?!). But I have to be able to make lemonade with these lemons I have been handed. I have decided that my days will be filled with long walks around my neighborhood. I will seek opportunity to get outside and away from the city every chance I get. I will treat this like a thru hike. Wake up in the morning and just walk. I will walk, walk, walk until I am tired. But the best part is I have my own bed to sleep in. I have food that is neither dried nor dehydrated.

My roommates and I have started a 30-day yoga challenge. Today is day 6. Day 1 was the day I decided to go for that walk. Yoga has helped me channel my breathing and appreciate what I do have going for me during this time. I have loving family who support each other from afar, friends turned family who support me when I need lifting, a wonderful partner who allows me to feel the emotions my depressive anxiety ridden state produce and walk through them with me, and a network of friends, coworkers, and doctors who help me through it one day at a time.

Oh, and on Saturday, my roommate and I went for a hike. A cow started following us, so we took a selfie with it.

Things we have done to help us through this quarantine, shelter in home, isolation, social distancing, whatever you want to call it:

1. Yoga
2. Daily walks
3. Happy Hour
4. Puzzles
5. Games
6. Movies
7. Our nails

We created a bunch of cards with various activities to do for when we feel less inspired. Some of them include, but are not limited to:

1. Karaoke
2. Charades
3. Tea Parties
4. Wine Tasting (in various parts of our house)
5. Building a fort
6. Talent Show
7. Filling out the Census

We are finding ways to survive. It is all we can do. It is not easy. I probably still have a panic attack once a day. But they are lessening in intensity and are not nearly as debilitating as they once were. Eventually, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. It may seem dim, but it’s there. We just have to focus on what is immediately ahead and get through that. Let’s do this.