It has been 21 days on the Pacific Crest Trail. Waking up at 5 am is becoming more manageable, as is laying in bed by 7 pm. Everyday we wake up, are on the trail within an hour and hike until 5 or 6 pm then set up, cook, sleep, do it all over again. Anxiety hits me every morning, with a mix of dread in there. Knowing the miles we are going to have to put in that day is very overwhelming. But once you are on that trail, it all melts away. Life becomes simple: just one foot in front of the other. Your mind is free to wander. You think about the most random things: what life was like before the hike, a fight you had with an ex 5 years ago, how many innocent ants you accidentally killed so far on the hike. 
The lows you feel on this hike are the lowest lows you have ever felt. Though you are hiking with people, in reality, you are the only one who can console yourself. You do not feel that the people you have just met need to be burdened with your emotional instability. At times, despite being around people, you feel utterly alone. But that is part of this experience, part of the growth that comes from this trip. Learning how to feel those lows, and not let it ruin your spirits. Often times, I find it motivates me to get to the next destination sooner. When I am in towns, my homesickness hits me the hardest. Towns are where I realize that this is not just any ordinary backpacking trips. It will be months before I can sleep in my own bed again, weeks before I see my family, days until my next shower. I contact my family during this time and our chats are wonderful and make me so happy; until 20 minutes later when I begin to realize the enormity of this trip. 
As with anything in nature, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Though I have experience my lowest lows, I have also experienced my highest highs. That sense of accomplishment you feel at the end of the day is unlike any feeling I have felt before. I never thought I would be able to hike 20 miles in a day, let alone do it 4 days in a row.  The trail may be tough, but the moment you are on that ridge or that peak, nothing is comparable. Knowing you worked your hardest for that view. Getting to rest your head at night knowing you gave it all you got that day and waking up and doing it all over again. Pushing yourself to your limits and surpassing all expectations you had. 
Today, when we leave Wrightwood, I will have my usual feeling of dread, anxiety, excitement, and anticipation.

Until next time. ➡️&⬆️